my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
