Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
