She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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