the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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