Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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