mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
