she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize