another moral hangover. fuck.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
