just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
