he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
