If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
