I just saw a hot homeless man
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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