I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
