Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.