My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots