she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...