you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.