If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Did I show you my penis last night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?