New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?