You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
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I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Less talking, more tequila
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.