The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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