I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
