Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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