Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize