i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
