just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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