she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
