laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
