I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
false alarm. still invincible.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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