She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
