Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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