it wasn't lemon gatorade
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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