I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
