i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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