I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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