I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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