VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
