turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
