Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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