im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
