I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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