yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
