Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
