so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
