I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
