My underwear smells like fireworks.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
