News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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