I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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