wat bout pragnant strippers??
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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