Don't you send me to vm
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
