I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
