It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
