Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
