i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
