My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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