I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
