Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
