TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
