She is in my trunk
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
organizing the empties. That sober.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
