i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
