You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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