I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize