thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
