glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
