I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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