if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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