yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
