it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
