About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
