her vagine was all disorganized.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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