dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
