maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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