I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
