Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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