oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
