I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So much Jack, so little girl.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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